a thing called h o p e
by Pwnguin
Summary: and five other words that keep Lilly Truscott alive.


i've seen this writing style around quite a lot, & i wanted to try it out.  
about the lowercase letters, if you've read Sin On Skin by DramaticStarlet, then you know that words look prettier when they're not capitalized. (& if you haven't read it... GO READ IT, along with her other stories. they're awesome.)  
the original copy of this had correct capitalization, but i looked at it and thought, "why not?"

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_**a thing called h o p e;**_  
_& five other words that keep Lilly Truscott alive_  
by pwnguin

_**i. o x y g e n**_

it's a given. you need _oxygen_ to enter your lungs so you can continue breathing & living. maybe "food" or "water" or perhaps "exercise" could have been written, but _oxygen_ is special. because _oxygen_ was once taken away from her for a slight moment in time. of course, she doesn't remember it. but when the story is told to her, of how her mother's umbilical cord had wrapped around her neck during birth, & it was only a matter of seconds away before lilly died, lilly is reminded that she could have been dead.

there were other moments that, as they say, "took her breath away". maybe her _oxygen_ was stolen then. & maybe, it was just all in her head. like her first kiss. oliver oken. when his warm lips were pressed against hers, she could have sworn she died & flew away. the ground beneath her seemed to have disappeared. the _oxygen_ rushed out of her lungs, & she couldn't breath. this time, though, she wasn't dying. she was living for the first time. she was experiencing _love_.

_**ii. l o v e**_

you need _love_ to stay alive. she's heard the stories of the teen girl whose parents didn't _love_ her, so she killed herself. lilly would never be in that place, because she was_ loved_. she had her parents, she had her best friend, she had oliver, but only for a short time. she was _loved_. maybe it was enough to keep her alive, maybe she could survive on _love_ alone.

but_ love_ could be broken. some people just can't _love_ forever. lilly thinks she can. she knows she can. she doesn't want others to suffer because she doesn't _love_ them. so, she _loves_ with all her heart. she _loves_ oliver, even though he doesn't _love_ her back. she _loves_ both her parents, even though they are divorced. she _loves_ her best friend miley, even though she can be a slut at times. the one she _loves_ most is _God_.

_**iii. G o d**_

she's not extremely religious. if there's one thing she knows, it's that there's a _God_ up there, & he's watching over her. she prays every night & every morning. her mother says grace before every meal. a Bible sits on her bedside table. _God_ is up there keeping her alive, & she's thankful for everyday of life he gives her.

she does have questions. why did _God_ let oliver die young? why didn't He give her the chance to say goodbye? why, no matter how many times she asks, can't she stop crying? sometimes, with the salty tears on her tongue stinging her words, she says her prayers out loud, not caring who hears. as long as _God_ is listening, she doesn't care who can hear her prayers.

how is she still alive, & how can she still believe _God_ is listening? where did she get this abundance in _faith_?

_**iv. f a i t h**_

what is _faith_? how can anyone believe in something that they can't see. lilly wonders this herself sometimes. she once read a book Searching for David's Heart. it is one of her absolute favorites because it's the only book that made her cry. she thought the only thing in the world that could make her cry was death. so that's why this book is her favorite.

there's a quote from this book that goes something along the lines of, "_faith_ is something your heart tells you is true, even if you can't prove it." if her heart is telling her that something is true, then does that make it automatically true? is that what _faith_ is all about? just more questions that make lilly contemplate on life even more. she sighs and wonders if any of these questions will be answered.

if _faith_ can't tell her that something is true, then there's one thing left that can make her believe, _hope_.

_**v. h o p e**_

when lilly was in the 8th grade, she had fallen hard for her long best friend oliver, & she _hoped_ that he liked her back. there wasn't much else to lean on except for the large abundance in _hope_ she had in her heart. when someone told her that something wasn't true, & her _faith_ couldn't hold out to tell her what she thought was true, then there was _hope_ in her heart & in her head that told her one day, it would be true. she would be able to climb the large tree in her backyard no matter how much she fell & cried. she would be able to live with both her parents one day no matter how much they hated each other.

she would be able to hold on to the memory of oliver oken, even if people told her memories just fade away. at least, she _hoped_ so.

maybe all her _oxygen_ will run out, maybe no one will learn to _love_ her for who she is, maybe people will tell her _God _doesn't exist, & maybe the last sliver of _faith_ will disappear.

but in the end, it's the _hope_ that keeps her going.

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& for the record, i am extremely religious. God is capitalized for a reason.  
some may see this as pointless, and some may see it as inspiring.  
what do you think? tell me in a review. :)


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